I am usually not one for lengthy narratives...but I promise, this one is worth it...read on my friend...
Have you ever known the type of people that just have to "one-up" you? No matter what circumstance you are in or what you are talking about they always have the worst, the best, the most disgusting story and it's always bigger and better than yours? Well, NOT THIS TIME BABY! WE WIN! We've had a little problem with mice the last month. No big deal...put out some poison...find the dead little suckers somewhere...and trash 'em...right?
DAY ONE: the boys had a friend over, the family room stunk! Me, "Does someone have to go to the bathroom? Is someone tooting in here?" I finally resorted to smelling each little boys fanny to see if they'd had an accident...friend included! Said friend sat on the couch, "Mrs. Gardiner? the smell is over here." Sure enough dead mouse behind the couch.
DAY TWO: fantastic Saturday...one of those where you actually get everything on your list done and the house is still relatively clean? I was even going to make dinner...imagine that cooking on Saturday! Into the pantry I go to get the rice...dead mouse right next to the open bag of rice. (at least he didn't smell) no chicken and rice that night.
DAY THREE: they're getting in through the pantry...they've chewed through the dryer duct...now replaced with metal
DAY FOUR: clean out the entire pantry
DAY FIVE: oh no...that familiar stench...under the kitchen sink...I was spoiling myself for my ornament exchange party by having a cleaning crew help with my house...I was under the kitchen sink (I couldn't really expose an innocent Mexican woman to my shame could I?) voila! in the very back of the cabinet. I entertained 5 sweet Mexicans, who speak absolutely NO ENGLISH, building up the courage to pick up that sucker...it finally happened after a chorus of, "uno, dos, tres!" amid a flurry of Spanish giggles
DAY SIX: "Why is that smell still under the sink?"
DAY SEVEN: "Monte it is YOUR turn, there must be another one under the sink"
DAY EIGHT: "You must not have looked close enough honey...it reeks!"
DAY NINE: "Then check under the dishwasher honey...you can't just keep the kitchen window open all the time!"
DAY TEN: I notice our dishwasher has a ton of gunk inside around the base...are we not rinsing our dishes well enough?
DAY ELEVEN: "GOSH, I just cleaned all that gunk from the dishwasher!"
DAY TWELVE: OK this is sick, now I'm scraping this crap out of the dishwasher..."by the way honey...it doesn't seem to be cleaning the dishes very well..."
DAY THIRTEEN: We have our widower neighbor over for supper..."Monte, could you unload the dishwasher?"
Have you ever known the type of people that just have to "one-up" you? No matter what circumstance you are in or what you are talking about they always have the worst, the best, the most disgusting story and it's always bigger and better than yours? Well, NOT THIS TIME BABY! WE WIN! We've had a little problem with mice the last month. No big deal...put out some poison...find the dead little suckers somewhere...and trash 'em...right?
DAY ONE: the boys had a friend over, the family room stunk! Me, "Does someone have to go to the bathroom? Is someone tooting in here?" I finally resorted to smelling each little boys fanny to see if they'd had an accident...friend included! Said friend sat on the couch, "Mrs. Gardiner? the smell is over here." Sure enough dead mouse behind the couch.
DAY TWO: fantastic Saturday...one of those where you actually get everything on your list done and the house is still relatively clean? I was even going to make dinner...imagine that cooking on Saturday! Into the pantry I go to get the rice...dead mouse right next to the open bag of rice. (at least he didn't smell) no chicken and rice that night.
DAY THREE: they're getting in through the pantry...they've chewed through the dryer duct...now replaced with metal
DAY FOUR: clean out the entire pantry
DAY FIVE: oh no...that familiar stench...under the kitchen sink...I was spoiling myself for my ornament exchange party by having a cleaning crew help with my house...I was under the kitchen sink (I couldn't really expose an innocent Mexican woman to my shame could I?) voila! in the very back of the cabinet. I entertained 5 sweet Mexicans, who speak absolutely NO ENGLISH, building up the courage to pick up that sucker...it finally happened after a chorus of, "uno, dos, tres!" amid a flurry of Spanish giggles
DAY SIX: "Why is that smell still under the sink?"
DAY SEVEN: "Monte it is YOUR turn, there must be another one under the sink"
DAY EIGHT: "You must not have looked close enough honey...it reeks!"
DAY NINE: "Then check under the dishwasher honey...you can't just keep the kitchen window open all the time!"
DAY TEN: I notice our dishwasher has a ton of gunk inside around the base...are we not rinsing our dishes well enough?
DAY ELEVEN: "GOSH, I just cleaned all that gunk from the dishwasher!"
DAY TWELVE: OK this is sick, now I'm scraping this crap out of the dishwasher..."by the way honey...it doesn't seem to be cleaning the dishes very well..."
DAY THIRTEEN: We have our widower neighbor over for supper..."Monte, could you unload the dishwasher?"
You see where this is going right?
We have successfully cremated, cooked, thouroughly washed, a mouse...after at least 8 loads of dishes. Our new dishwasher comes tomorrow morning at 9 am at which time all of the dishes in all of my cabinets will go through at least 2 loads in the NEW dishwasher...with a heathy dose of bleach. Until such time as everything can be sanitized we will be using paper and plastic!
We have successfully cremated, cooked, thouroughly washed, a mouse...after at least 8 loads of dishes. Our new dishwasher comes tomorrow morning at 9 am at which time all of the dishes in all of my cabinets will go through at least 2 loads in the NEW dishwasher...with a heathy dose of bleach. Until such time as everything can be sanitized we will be using paper and plastic!
9 comments:
AHHHHHHHHH!!!! I read this on my phone while I was at Kindergarten with Cole and had to hold back from laughing/screaming/crying/gagging. I think I would have to throw all of my dishes out and start over. I know that sounds extreme, but I wouldn't be able to get over it. I have thought about it a couple of times since reading it, and have had to talk myself out of throwing up. (Prego.) This is the best, most disgusting story ever. I know what dead mice smell like, which is why I am gagging so easily. SICK!! I am SO sorry!
By the way, I'm sending some people to your blog to read it. :)
That is too funny! We just had some fun with mice at my in-laws cabin, but you, my dear, are in the Disneyland of mousedom!
You win. Holy cow!...or should I say holy mouse?
GROSS!!!!!! LOL I really could not smell anything when I was there that day. I was thinking about if that had happened to us....Knowing how Chris is I thought that we would have to throw all of our dishes away. LOL But I told him what happend to you and he said he wouldn't be that grossed out . lol since the dishwasher kills germs with the hot water he would still eat off the dishes. LOL Who Knew!!
Sick!!! I'm really sorry! Glad it's resolved though.
Oh! Nasty! Sick! I'm so sorry! We're so sorry! Ack! Nasty! Ewwwwwww!
-The Jordan Family Women
Wow - that is just gross. I am so sorry for your pain and suffering. EWWWWWWWWW!
The official name for a person that always has to one up you is called a "Tommy Topper." By the way that story is completely disgusting! And yes, you win this time. Thankfully I do not have a better story than that.
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